Critical Data: The following information concerns Matt Nelson.

Matt Nelson is half refrigerator, half cactus, and half marsupial.

Twenty minutes ago he ate some porridge but this fact has been suppressed by the mainstream media.

Matt Nelson has a number of talents, including getting older, profanity, free-association and drawing amazing portraits whilst 'freestyling' poetry.

Here are some more Matt Nelson facts:
  1. Matt Nelson becomes moist when heat is applied to most of him.
  2. Matt Nelson invented the word "odyssey".
  3. Matt Nelson has lots of skin.
  4. Matt Nelson is an expert at cooking apples with a clothes iron.
Matt Nelson was born in Chicago to a wizard, a fish tank, and another wizard in some atypical three-way biological propagation. According to eyewitness testimony, it involved a method of tissue culture usually reserved for plants.

Matt Nelson now resides in a small cave frequented by bats and has died repeatedly from rabies as a direct consequence. He is now eighty-seven years old.

His favourite element is argon.

He draws a modest income by selling half-complete hangman noose knots (in one-inch hemp rope) on art and craft websites. His online-store is called "Matt Nelson's Quality Hemp Rope Hangman Nooses, Bric-a-brac and Miscellany", which you can google from your work computer during lunch time.

These are all the Matt Nelson facts that there are. Thank you for your interest in Matt Nelson.

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